I haven't blogged in a while and I apologize. I still need to blog about Christmas and put the videos that Kaybree, Daimen and Spencer took of the family and I will. But, today I blog about the pain and disappointment that I have experienced yet again in regards to having a family of my own.
I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving day. With mixed feelings I let myself start to hope that this one may actually take. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I can not keep a secret to save my life, although Kevin and I had discussed waiting until after the first trimester to announce it to the world.
Well, all the kids who live in Utah got together on December 4th and took Mom to dinner for her birthday. We all met at Amy's house in Morgan and then carpooled to Taggert's Grill. On the way there Ashlee and Josh rode with Kevin and I and the first thing out of her mouth was the question "are you pregnant".......it was all over from there! I announced it to the whole family that night even though I was only 5 weeks pregnant at the time.
Things were going well until I went for my first doctor appointment. Hearing my history of previous miscarriages and the fact I had been spotting they sent me for an ultrasound and blood testing. The ultrasound showed the baby was growing just the way he should and his heartbeat was a rapid and perfect 155 bpm. All was well except for a subchorionic bleed or hematoma that they found. I was then put on pelvic rest until further notice.
Well, about two weeks later I started spotting again, called the doctor and they put me on bed rest until the bleeding stopped. Well, I couldn't exactly do that, if I don't work I have no money. So, I tried to take it as easy as I could. Well, finally I got scared about the continued spotting and they sent me to get an ultrasound again.......they found that the baby's heart had stopped beating. According to the ultrasound the baby died on New Year's day......Happy New Year to me! NOT!!!!!!
Now, how do we get my body to finally expel the baby? The doctor wanted to do a D&C, but we don't have the money for such a expensive procedure. They prescribed me a drug call misoprostol which will prompt my body to expel all the contents of my uterus. I guess I experienced a rare type of miscarriage called a "missed miscarriage", meaning the baby dies but the body maintains that it is pregnant and the only way of finding out is an ultrasound.
I have been going through all sorts of emotions, Ashlee even called me crazy!!! I probably am, but all I know is that I can't go through another loss. I have done this three times and as they say three times is the charm and obviously it still didn't work. I figure that this is my test in life, to never have the one thing I have always been accused of trying to do to everyone......being their mother. Lesson learned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
